Thursday, February 2, 2012

Shirt Smelling Thing

My son always wore cologne.  It drove 10-year-old Katie nuts when he’d shower before her in their shared bathroom because he’d “stink up the whole bathroom” with his cologne.  He couldn’t help it.  He liked when things smelled good.  He loved to smell fresh, clean laundry.  If he’d come inside for a drink and I was cooking dinner, he breath in deeply and say, “Smells good, Mommy.”  He even noticed when I was clean and he’d always say, “Mom, you take shower?” and then he’d follow by a hug and “You smell good.”   He had a way of making me feel like the most exquisite cook and the most adored mother possible.  I'm going to miss that about him.

Those of you who have lost a loved one or even those of you who are far away from a loved one such as a military spouse, you know what I’m talking about when I say I did the whole “smelling the shirt thing”….and it backfired…I had grabbed a folded, smelly white t-shirt out of his top drawer…and frankly, it ruined the moment.  It did make me laugh though because if he’d seen me do that he would have laughed at me with his beautiful, but devious laugh.  And he would have brought it up months after the fact and laughed at me again.  It felt good to laugh.

I’m sure Tim would agree that yesterday was the hardest day so far for the both of us.  We had to pick out his casket, stone and place of rest.  How do you even pick that stuff?  I cringed when I heard the words come out of my mouth, “I like that one over there (referring to the black casket).” Ugh.  No, I do not “like” any of them.  I actually HATE them all.  Yet in the midst of all that, notes from you guys flowed in on my phone.  Prayer was evident.  I had moments of peace even in the midst of a storm.

Funny story-- I had posted a status on Facebook something to the effect of “Please pray I don’t break out into my ugly cry at his funeral Live on Sermonaudio.com this coming Saturday.” And my sweet friend wrote a comment, “You can’t do anything ugly.”  The timing in which the comment came across my iPhone could not have been more perfect. It made me laugh right out loud right in the funeral home.  I showed it to Tim and he smiled as well. 

Ephesians 5:2 says, “Walk in love, even as Christ also loved you, and gave himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling fragrance.”

 It is amazing how all of you are truly walking in love for our family. Your gifts, delicious meals and kind notes are your offerings.  Some of you are sacrificing resources and your time to be there for us.  These are such sweet-smelling fragrances.  The whole smelling the shirt thing didn’t work out so well as far as comfort, but we are feeling Christ’s love through all of your gestures.  Thank you so much.


9 comments:

  1. I would be doing the same thing, and keeping his laundry for months to come!
    Thank you for sharing, and being so transparent - you are one great example for all of us who haven't even been in your shoes. Blessings to you. We'll keep on praying here in WA.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If I were near your family now, I would hug every one of you so tight and for so long that you would have to pry me off. I love you guys and will just continue to pray for your peace, strength through it all, and family comfort. You are a light on a hill that is shining so bright for all to see. Many blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been following your blog my dear friend posted the day your boy passed. My heart aches so much for your family. I've only ever lost a parent... I couldn't imagine having to bury a child. Now looking at my own children and reading your story just amazes me even more every day at how precious life really is and it cannot be taken forgranted! You don't know me but I just want you to know I'm praying and so is the rest of my family and church over here in WA! May the Lord continue to be with you and your family in this time of need! <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll be praying for you and your family, especially on Saturday. I've been there. I remember when my sister died, how hard it was to pick out her casket. It almost feels like a dream. I also remember, like you, an overwhelming peace amidst it all. One verse that helped me was Psalm 18:30, "As for God, his way is perfect." Even though I may never understand his purpose, I have to trust that his way is ALWAYS best. I thought that may encourage you. Much love! -Joy Gatlin

    ReplyDelete
  5. I remember your girls from when I worked at the Berean Day Camp during the summer of 2009. So sorry to hear about your loss...I'm praying for your family during this difficult time.
    - Nadine Torberson

    ReplyDelete
  6. Carinda, Noland has been gone almost a year now on deployment and totally get the shirt smelling thing. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and i know God is taking care of you because it is evident in your blogs. God is right there with you. I cry every time i read them but i also smile cause i see Gods love! You and your family are amazing! Prayers are continually coming your way!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Everyday I read your blog,my heart is broken and inspired.Your faith is amazing in Christ Jesus..We are keeping you in our prayers daily. My God continue to hold you close,I pray He uses this that many will be saved.Praying God will give peace to your hearts now in the coming months ...God Bless you an your Beautiful famiy....With much love and prayers... The Hughes Family

    ReplyDelete
  8. I found your blog via Natasha Jones. As a 7x Ukrainian adoptive parent and sister in Christ, my heart truly breaks for your family. I am speechless. I am encouraged in your ability to hold so tight to Jesus in this very difficult season that every parent hopes they never experience. Hugs from NY.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I wish I could wrap my arms around in the biggest most sincere hug ever. I know we don't know each other as I just found your blog from a link on facebook but we are sister's in the Lord and my heart is truly hurting for you. I have no words great enough to comfort you. I do remember feeling those feelings of picking out grave site. I remember my husband went to pick it out because it was just too hard for me at the time and he sent me a video on his phone of the place he walked too and just felt like it was the spot and started crying so he sent it to me and I felt the same way, couldnt help but cry. it was in a beautiful little country cemetary, so quiet and peaceful.all you hear are birds and all you see is country meadows! It felt so weird to say, this is the spot we like...because like you said above...we didnt like this spot...we hated it...we would have NEVER thought we would be 27 years old and burying our baby girl and picking out her grave site. The weeks following it was hard on me but I wanted to personally design her headstone and found a place to work with me and we added the saying I wanted on there "The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was her Savior" and her actual replicable engraved hand and footprints! I cannot imagine losing a child at the age of your son so I wont begin to act like I do, but I understand a small way of losing a child from our 5 we lost, most recently being our annabelle. there are no words. but I will say God will carry you. You will survive, just keep breathing and crying out to Him. I am here if you ever need to vent or anything.

    ReplyDelete