Only A Dream

The first night without my boy was really tough.  I missed him thumping down the stairs with his pajamas all hiked up like Steve Urkel and his tiny size 8 white, undershirt.  We have no idea why that boy wouldn’t wear the undershirts that actually fit his growing body.  He somehow kept putting on the small ones.   Each night he’d wrap his arms around me and squeeze so hard I thought he’d break my ribs, followed by “I love you, Mommy!!”  Sometimes if we’d had a really fun evening together I’d get 3 or 4 hugs and a few more  “I love you Mommy’s” before he’d thump back up the stairs usually asking if he could play his Nintendo DSI for a little while longer.

While I was lying awake all night crying to the Lord, I begged for Him to give me some comfort. The first verse that came to mind from my childhood was “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come to him” Revelation 3:20.  Later on in the night I got to see a picture, or a dream of Someone knocking on an old door.  Brandon opened the door and his face lit up and he said, “Hey!!!!! I know you!  Mama and Papa tell me about You. Mr. Kellett tell me about You.  Pastor Sean. He tell me about You.  I see it in book at school.”  He was SO excited at Whoever was at that door.  He was looking back and me, pointing and saying “Look!” I acted unenthused.  I couldn’t see anyone.  The emotion was like the million times that he saw airplanes and was freaking out. Somehow I was never quite as excited as he was about the airplanes or helicopters.  He would freak out similarly if he saw someone driving down the road that he thought he knew.  (I didn’t usually look because I was trying not to run into anyone in front of me.) Admittedly, I actually wanted Brandon to stop freaking out about the door and let me sleep. The last thing I saw before I woke up was Brandon vigorously waving at me…like he used to wave at me from the soccer field…like he used to wave at me each morning when I dropped him off for school.  I waved back at him.  It was only a dream.  But I needed it and it comforted me greatly.

Please pray I get a good night’s rest this evening.  I have only slept a few hours since he’s passed.  My head is pounding.  I need rest.

Thank you, Lord, for the comfort that only You can give and for the amazing friends and family who are holding us up right now.