Monday, January 30, 2012

Feelings

Feelings? Well.  Honestly, they hurt.  If there was a switch to shut off the feelings right now, I’d use it.  It means a lot that all of you are bearing some of our burdens in love as is taught in the Bible.  It does help alleviate the pain a little knowing all of you care. Thank you. 

For those of you who are wondering what all has happened, our 11-year-old son Brandon went into eternity today around 12:30 in the afternoon.  Obviously we haven’t heard back from the autopsy exam, but he had what appeared to be the flu.  He was vomiting and holding his tummy since last night.  He had a break for about 3 hours before it started up again around lunch time.  He threw up on his bed and carpet.  Then he went in for a shower.  I never saw him alive again.  I believe he was gone before I got the bathroom door unlocked and opened.

I can’t imagine walking through this without my Lord and Savior.  The verse that keeps running through my head is, “The Lord giveth and He taketh away.  Blessed by the name of the Lord.”  Blessed be the name of the Lord.  I am humbled that my Heavenly Father loved me enough to sent His only Son to earth, to die in my place, so that I, and anyone who believes can live eternally.  He giveth life.  He takes life away.  He gives joy.  He takes away sickness and pain.  He gives faith and peace and hope and love and comfort.  He takes away the sin of those who recognize that all of us are lousy sinners in desperate need of a Savior.  Those of us who recognize this, repent and place our faith in Christ and only Christ get to live eternally in Heaven, forever.  He gives eternal life.  

I do not question His goodness.  I was not ready to give my son back.  I only got to enjoy him for 8 months.  But I trust my Heavenly Father.  He’s going to walk me through this.  He’s given me the gift of all of you reading this.  He has given me the gift of thousands of photos of my son….all of which he was smiling.  He has given me my 3 sweet, baby girls.  He has given me my precious husband.  He’s given me my parents (and family) and Tim’s family (all of it).   He’s given me hope: One day He’ll wipe these tears from my eye.

Feelings? Well.  I feel a little better.  Thanks for allowing me to get some of my pain out on “paper.”






52 comments:

  1. We are praying for you and are here for you if you need anything. Please, like grace, let us know if there's anything we can do and receive it.

    We prayed for you tonight as a family. It's all we can do, I am so sorry.

    Kelly

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  2. So sorry for your loss. He was in my parents sunday school class and my mom said he was a wonderful sweet boy. so very sorry for your loss.

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  3. We love you all so much, thank you for being so open and being such a testimony of God's grace. We'll be praying for all of you, you're on our minds constantly.

    Love,
    The Harrises

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    1. We are praying that God's grace will carry you through during this difficult time. I am thankful we had the chance to enjoy his smiling face in our SS class. He will be missed.

      2Th 1:2 Grace unto you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
      2Th 1:12 That the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.


      Your Sister and Brother in Christ,
      Laurrie and Norbert White

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  4. Just saw that you lost your son on FB. Yes, I know. Facebook. So crass at a time like this to mention, yet...

    ...will now be able to specifically and diligently send my prayers for your family. I am so, so, sorry. No mother can ever fathom burying her son. Especially when just the night before, life was so...normal. Hiccup, maybe...but not life-threatening.

    Or so we think. I am heartbroken for you, but praying for God to send you a peace like you've never known. Know that when you are not able to do anything but cry out...others will stand the gap for you and pray.

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  5. Even if I can not be there physically, please know that I am there in prayer and that I know Berean will step up and be there for you as you have been there for the church. I am so grateful that you have chosen this reaction to this sorrow rather than becoming bitter. Such an awesome testimony.

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  6. I have only met you and your husband a few times (through the Biagis), but Josh and I are praying diligently for you. We are so saddened by your loss, but your faith gives me strength. Know that your brothers and sisters in Christ are here for you.

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  7. Oh Carinda. Wish we were there now, but we will be there soon. You all are carried on THOUSANDS of prayers right now. We love you.

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  8. You are in our prayers.

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  9. We love you guys so much, and are grieving with you. We have a wonderful Father, who holds all of tears in His hands. You are such a light; a wonderful sister in Christ. Your testimony is amazing. Please please please do not hesitate to let us know if you need something. We lift you guys up in prayers, as a family in Christ. Love, the Ganus family. xoxo

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  10. God says in the book of Samuel: "He who honors me, I will honor." You and Tim have certainly honored God throughout the whole story of Brandon's adoption and move to America. The ways of God are inscrutable, but He always upholds His word. May the joy which comes after the sorrow of the night swiftly come upon you and your family! You all are dearly loved!

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  11. It's so comforting to see how well your hope in faith is in the Lord--that even though you have unanswered questions, and are in so much pain, you trust and rely on Him fully. Thanks for being a wonderful example to all of us! I have been and will keep praying for you all. L Norton

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  12. What great words! What great courage!

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  13. So sorry for your lost my thoughts and prayers go out for you and your family

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  14. You don't know me, but I friend posted your blog on fb. I don't have the words to say, but I'm praying for you and your family.

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  15. Saw through Sonja Leet about your son, wanted to let you know thati I am so sorry for your lost and my thoughts and prayers go out for you and your family.

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  16. I also saw Sonja Leet's post this morning. Even though you have no idea who i am, please be assured my prayers are with your family! May God give you the peace that passes all understanding!

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  17. So sorry for your loss - praying for you during this difficult time - The truth of God's love is not that He allows bad things to happen, it's that He is with us when they do! He will never leave you or forsake you - your words show the strength of your trust in Him - Praising God for you - Hang onto Jesus He Will Carry You!!!!!!

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  18. You don't know me but I am Nikki Sturm's mom. Just wanted to let you know that we are praying here in Kansas that the Holy Spirit will do His work of comfort in your hearts. Brandon made an impact on our Leah and for that I am thankful. Also thankful for your words here that help those of us that are not good at putting our feelings into words! Thoughts & prayers are with your family, From the Noffsingers.

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  19. I am deeply sorry for your loss. It is an incomprehensible loss that I as a mom pray to never experience. I pray that you can find solace in Christ's words, "For I know the plans I have for you..." Please know that there are so many of us that are praying for you, with you. Again, I am so sorry. Words seem so inadequate.

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  20. You do not know me, but I weep for your family's loss. And I am uplifted by your strength during this time. I am praying diligently for you and for your family, that you will be uplifted in peace and knowledge that he is with Jesus.

    Krissy Baldridge
    (Angela Harrison's Sister in law)

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  21. What a beautiful testimony of God's love and grace. I cannot begin to imagine your pain, but I have faith that our God will comfort and bless your family during such a difficult time. My family and I will continue to pray for you and your family.

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  22. You know know me either, but we lived in NC when stationed at Bragg years ago. We got the prayer request for your family through Providence PCA. You are living a nightmare of pain that I can't imagine. My heart is broken for you. However, I am so thankful that Jesus is walking along side you, even in those moments you may not feel Him there. I pray that He continues to hold you close as you grieve the passing of your son. Isa 46:3-4 Phi 4:19

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  23. I have a friend on FB that told us of your horrific loss. I am praying for the peace that surpasses all understand to surround you and your family. I cannot even imagine the pain that you must feel. Know that there are others whom you don't know who are weeping with you in your grief.
    In Him,
    Melissa

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  24. I heard about what happened through my friend Cassie G and it just breaks my heart. I'm just so sorry and can't imagine!! Your outlook is beautiful and I love how you are giving glory to God in the midst of this tragedy. God bless you and give you comfort, healing, and joy in the memories.

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  25. Michelle Barnett let me know about your family. We and our church family are lifting you up before the throne of grace!!

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  26. Our tears are your tears. May you be ove rwhelmed with peace during this time of tremendous loss. We love you all! Steve and elizabeth Henderson and family

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  27. Heard about your loss through a family member. Although we've never met, I just felt compelled to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through right now but just know this: through the loss of your son, Heaven has welcomed a new angel. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  28. We are praying for you from KY.

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  29. What a testimony Carinda! Our deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. Praying for strength, mercy and grace in the days and weeks to come! Love, the Morton's

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  30. I don't know your family, but heard your story through a friend. I too have lost a child. We have no say, no control on when they come or go in our lives. When God calls them home, we have to learn to accept it and live with it. It will always be hard, but with your strong faith and family, you will move forward. May you have the strength and peace to continue after such a devastating loss. I would highly recommend Compassionate Friends (for people who have lost children) if there is a chapter in your area. So sorry for this unimaginable loss. My heart aches for you, but I know God will be with you always.

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    1. Thank you for this post Miss Laura, my condolences to you as well. Miss Carinda, you don't know me but I work out on Bragg and I am truly sorry for your family's loss. My heart and condolences goes out to you all during this difficult time. I too have lost a child and did not take it well. Your strength and strong belief in God during your tragedy has made me rethink my faith and how I live my life. I wished I could have been as strong as you are during my loss. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  31. My heart breaks for you! Your family is in my prayers!

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  32. Praying for you. I am a friend of Marianella Bueno and have been praying for you all since last night. So sorry for your loss.

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  33. We are praying for you and your family!

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  34. My heart is broken for your family. Praying God will rest you in His care just as Brandon is resting now with Him. Continually praying.

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  35. Praying for your family.
    Perhaps this song may be a blessing to you at this time.

    http://youtu.be/Yr7i5L6kFT0

    Praise God in the Storm.

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  36. Praying in Kansas! (I came to your story through a friend.)

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  37. You may not remember us but we are so sorry for your loss and pray for God's peace as you face the days ahead. Blessings to you and your family!

    Mr. & Mrs. VanDeventer

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  38. Praying for all of you!! So glad you have The Comforter!

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  39. Praying as you walk through this heartbreaking time that our Saviour will envelop you in His arms and give you strength for each coming day.

    Pastor Jim & Lorrie Murphy

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  40. We are praying for the family. May God continue to give you the strength during this time and the days ahead. Our hearts hurt for all of you.

    Kim Kellett and Family - Georgia

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  41. You don't know me, but I heard about your family through the homeschooling forum I frequent. Praying (in Ohio)for you as your grieve the death of your son. What a blessing you must have been to him in the short time he was part of your family. I love the title of your blog and Following Closely to our Savior is the best place to be when our hearts are hurting.

    Aimee M

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  42. You don't know me, but I know Sarah Smith and I saw her post today about lifting your family in prayers. I read your blog post today and I am praying. May God, the comforter of all, give you the comfort only He can give right now. Our sincere condolences to your family at this time. Prayers for you, your husband, and three girls.

    Hugs,
    Michelle

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  43. I am so, so sorry. We are praying for you.

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  44. Praying for your family as you grieve and Brandon sees Jesus
    Such heartache.
    God bless you.

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  45. Dear Carinda and Tim,
    I feel so sorry for you, you are such an amazing family.....Praying for you and Brandon, he is with His father now....

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  46. Lifting you and your family before the Father, knowing that only He can walk you through this time.

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  47. Carinda, Tim, girls...you don't know me, but I've followed your blog for a little while now... I am praying for you - I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I'm crying just thinking about it. I saw this post this morning, and although couldn't comment, I kept praying. Just saw your post from today (the dream), and am so happy God gave you that dream. What an awesome confirmation. But it doesn't take the pain away now... I'll keep praying for your family.

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  48. There are no words that I can say to comfort you or your family. I am So sorry for your loss. Like everyone else here, you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight and every day here on out. God Bless.

    Janis

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