Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Dear Anonymous Commenter

I’ve tossed around the idea of shutting down this blog since I’ve begun receiving hurtful anonymous comments.  I usually don’t mind comments without a name, but I’d rather know who is speaking to me.  Usually those who post anonymously simply do not know how to sign their name.  Others will write an anonymous comment because it’s easier than typing an email address and so forth, but they will sign their name at the end of whatever it is that they wrote.  Either way, I enjoy hearing from people and for the most part it encourages me.

Here is one anonymous comment (minus the curse words).

“Why didn’t you drive the (omit word) kid to the (omit word) ER? He was (omit word) dying and your sitting around praying and singing Kum By Yah.  You are a stupid (omit word, omit word) (insert synonym) girl.  You are a unfit mother and his death was (omit word) senseless.”

Dear Anonymous Commenter who left the above comment,

I’d like to respond first to the “unfit” portion of this comment.  By law I could be considered unfit if I have been abusive, if I am addicted to drugs, if I have a mental disturbance, if I fail to visit the child, if I fail to provide support in any way, if I am incarcerated or if I have failed to provide proper care for my child.  None of the above applies to me.  I’ve properly cared for children for over 20 years.  I’ve been thrown up on, peed on, drooled on, sneezed on more times than I can remember.  The night Brandon was throwing up I slept with him for at least 6 hours because he felt safe with me there.  I wiped throw up off of his face, out of his ears, and cleaned anything that his throw up landed on.  I washed his pajamas and bedding.  I brought him clear liquids and saltine crackers.  I scratched his back and stroked his hair because he loved it when I did that.  It helped him fall asleep.  I turned on his Russian Pixar Animated movies to try to cheer him up.  I did all of this things to care for my son, because I love him deeply. 

Next, why didn’t I take him to the ER? I think this is a valid question.  Brandon’s only symptoms were vomiting, stomach ache and head ache.  Any mother in the middle of winter would assume their child had the flu, especially if their child specifically said “I'm sick. I have the flu.”  Brandon had no fever.  His vomiting was not even frequent or violent (with the exception of his final projectile just before his death).  He only threw up maybe 7 times in over 20 hours.  He never told us he fell or was injured.  He wasn’t doubled over in pain.  I felt the right side of his abdomen and he allowed me to do so without ever saying “ouch” or “that hurts.”  So as far as rushing a child with the flu to the ER, I’ve been there and done that before.  Each time the doctors run thousands of dollars in tests simply to send us home with a diagnosis of “something viral” and the instructions to fill the child with clear liquids until the vomiting ceases.  Another reason is Brandon was fearful of doctors.  He had some pretty scary situations in Ukraine where he felt harmed by doctors.  I tried not to take him to doctors any more than was absolutely necessary.  Also, I will go out on a limb and say that the ER doctors and staff would appreciate it if the 5 million people affected monthly with the common flu would kindly stay home.  They prefer to leave room in the ER for those individuals who are critically sick or injured.

 Third, I did not sing, but I definitely prayed.  I prayed that God would comfort my son and help him to sleep.  When he was lying unconscious and I was awaiting the paramedics to arrive I prayed for healing.  God chose to heal my son in a way you probably don’t understand.  The Bible describes the death of a believer as “overcoming the world.”  My son, right now is forever healed of any sickness or injury.  He is very much alive!  I would love for you, Anonymous Commenter, to experience salvation in Christ.  May your eyes be opened to the Truth of the Cross!  To you his death is senseless, but to those of us in Christ we know that both Brandon’s life and death had a purpose in God’s eternal story.

I’m must confess that this comment initially hurt me to my very core at a very vulnerable time in my life.  I'm sure any grieving mother would understand how a note such as this could hurt so bad I felt paralyzed for many moments after reading it.  However, it has taught me how to love as Christ loved.  I gained a deeper understanding  and perspective of death outside of Christ.  The Bible says if the only hope we have is in this life here on earth, we humans are “most miserable” (I Cor. 15:19).  I am SO thankful to God that Brandon’s life didn’t end when we put him in the ground.  I’m thankful for the hope of living eternally with my son and my Creator God. I’m going to continue blogging, by the way.  And I’m going to continue praying for you, Anonymous Commenter, until I die or I receive word from you in my comments that you have placed your faith in Christ. 

43 comments:

  1. Carinda, I am glad God gave you the courage to write this blog. It has encouraged me numerous times...more than I can count. You are a beautiful woman of God! Keep shining for God!!!
    Julie

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  2. When I read responses like this, it makes me realize what a teeny little Christian I am. Your response is graceful and kind, which is a far cry from how I would have responded.

    Every village has one...

    Kelly

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  3. This seriously made me sick to my stomach.... Please don't ever stop your blog. You are an amazing, strong and faithful woman... With a love for God that makes me strive to be closer to Him. I think of you often and pray for you as those thoughts come to me... Xo

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  4. I am so happy that God has blessed you with the courage to continue your blog. Your writing touches so many people, you are truly gifted in writing. I had many people ask me the same things this person said (minus the curse words), and all I can say is that they just didn't know you. You are the most loving, caring mother to your kids. Brandon was blessed to have a family like you, Tim, and the kids and I know that the son you will adopt will be just as blessed.

    I agree with Kelly when saying, your response was graceful and kind, not how I believe I would have been. I will pray with you for this Anonymous Commenter. I pray that one day they will see Christ as we see Him. In the mean time, keep blessing people with your blog and your words, because I can clearly see that the love of Christ flows through your hands.

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  5. wow Carinda i had no idea people were making such comments, you are an amazing mom! they have no idea. people can be ignorant. i pray for you for strength and courage to deal with such people and hurtful feelings. please know your blog is such inspiration.

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  6. You could not have handled this situation in a more graceful and Christian way. You are an example of grace for all of us! I cannot believe that someone could write such hurtful words to a grieving family (actually, I can, because the current state of our nation is horrifying with a total lack of morals and values)! I am praying with you for the salvation of this individual!

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  7. Carindy... Your faith is truly inspiring and your grace is something I wish I truly possessed. Let the people talk: the people in your life know what a wonderful mother, wife, friend, woman and Christian you are. Keep the faith ♥. Love you

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  8. Carinda, you have been such a blessing to me. Your blog have bless my heart. God bless your and your family.

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  9. I see the salt & the light in you Mrs. Carinda Kerr..:)
    Brandi

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  10. Every blog so far has touched my heart in some way... But this one is different. This one made me feel some pretty strong emotions. Carinda, you could not have handled this any more amazingly. You can tell it is by God and God alone that you were able to write those words so perfectly. He probably had His hands on top of yours as you typed. My prayers with you always.........

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  11. Please continue to write..you are changing and reaching and inspiring so many...what a horrible comment and thank you for you kind manner in which you responded. We pray for you and your family and now we will add that person to our prayers. You did everything right...I love you

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  12. You are amazing, Carinda...

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  13. You are an amazing woman and mother. Love you!

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear that someone would say such things to you, can't even imagine how that hurt. Praise the Lord for giving you the ability to respond with His grace, in the midst of your pain, as you "bless them that curse you". That is not a natural response. God bless you, Carinda!

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  15. I am not like you if I come across this guy I'm gonna beat the (omit word) out of them ....;)

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  16. I like what Fil said! Paul

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  17. Like many others have said, I don't know if I would have had the grace to respond so kindly although I pray that God would give me that grace if needed. You are a wonderful mother and handled the situation with Brandon as any responsible mother would have done. As a nurse, I would have probably told you to do the same things you did if you would have called the office for advice. Based on his symptoms and without knowledge of the accident, I think any nurse or doctor would have told you to observe him for 24 hours before bringing him in. More importantly though, all our days are numbered by God. Nothing takes Him by surprise. Praying for you and the family. May the Lord use even these negative comments for His glory!
    Alyssa

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  18. Carinda, this is Natasha. His grace is flowing in you and Tim so abundantly and generously that we stand amazed...at both of you...and Him! You have the biggest hearts we have ever seen...in anyone! Jesus Christ, I'm sure, is very happy dwelling inside of you both as well as in all your family! We love you deeply!

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  19. Ignore the ignorance. From a medical pt -and if the nasty commentator understood the esoteric nature of Brandon's injury, thinking parents would say " that could
    have happened to me." The obscure nature of this injury is a challenge to the medical profession and
    doubly so for any parent. Don't you dare shut your beautiful blog down... Just pray for the poor
    senseless soul who is so needy that h/she strikes out in a hurtful way to a situation h/she knows NOTHING about. You & Tim are model parents.

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  20. I do not even know you or your family. A friend of mine knows you and I have seen your blog and have been touched by your words. I pray for you and the family as you continue to grieve. I also pray for the person who wrote that nasty comment that they will seek and know CHRIST. Thanks for your inspiration in words.

    Amy

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  21. I have never met you or your family, but have gone to Berean since I was a child. I now go to school on the other side of the state, but my parents told me about your familiy's devastating loss and when I saw someone post a link to your blog on Facebook, I started reading it on occasion.

    I have to tell you how inspiring your faith in Christ is to me. This post, especially, warms my heart and makes my eyes tear up knowing how deep your love for Jesus is, and how much grace he has put overflowing from your heart. I know that comment would have incited so much anger in me that I wouldn't have been able to think clearly. But of course that reaction would not have been a testament to anyone who needed to see a display of true Christ like behavior. So, thank you for your blog and your wonderful heart.

    I am sure anyone in your situation with a sick child would have reacted in the same way. God knows what he is doing, and sometimes there is nothing to be done but let His will work.

    Leah

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  22. You are so strong, thank you for showing God's grace in this situation!

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  23. Your blog is surely a blessing to so many. Your response to this poster has shown Jesus to all.

    Matthew 5:11-12 ESV
    "Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

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  24. Like I said...."people (humans) never cease to amaze me!!" but our LORD God is even more amazing & continues to work thru you, impacting countless souls!! Keep writing my beautiful friend...& more importantly...keep on keepin on!!

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  25. My bet is these commenters have something against God or Christianity, perhaps because they have been hurt in some way by Christians or "Christians" in the past. Your response was wonderful, and if they are following your blog, they will see and feel the heart of a true follower of Christ.

    P.S. This particular anonymous commenter is very clearly not a parent, either. Almost any parent experienced with the flu would have done the exact, responsible thing you did.

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  26. I am praying for you and your wonderful family. Your blog has been such an encouragement for so many. Thank you for your testimony through all of this! Love you and God Bless your precious family!

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  27. WOW... I am proud of you that you are still writing. You are a better person than I am! You answered that person back. I would have been curled up in a ball crying. Thank God you had the strength and wisdom to answer them, and stick up for yourself. I do feel very sorry for you, after all that you have been through that someone could be that hurtful in writing that to you. P.S. Add this to your book!!! (WINK)...when you write it! You are one strong woman. I do wonder who that person is. I keep thinking that person who wrote that was a man. I could not see a woman (especially with children) be able to write that. Not meaning to be hard on men either, I can't even imagine men being that hurtful. I guess perhaps we all should say a prayer for that 'anonymous' person. So sorry you had to read that!

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  28. WOW! Carinda, your strength and witness is amazing. We continue to pray for you and the family...we are all growing through your witness/testimony. Do not shut down your blog ♥

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    1. Angella,

      I agree with you 110%, and I am so grateful to be witness to Carinda's testimonies. I also think she should continue to write, and Carinda--->>> I sent you a message via email--->>> Please do not shut down your blog! Not for this reason.

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  29. I commend you on the way you handled such a hurtful comment. People are blind to the truth and not every parent runs their kid to the ER for the common cold or flu! I use to work in an ER for 3 years, I had seen a 2 month old with finger nail pain, a grown man with chapped lips and cracked feet, I have seen a newborn who sneezed 3X in a row...all of which didn't require the EMERGENCY ROOM!! But I did see 2 cases very similar to Brandon's, one a kid fell of his roof and landed on his stomach, and had vomited a handful time times. My nurse was not concerned and let him sit in the waiting room, I over heard that he had not eaten in several hours and decided to go to my doctor and tell her I felt something was wrong...just pure professional experience kicking in...she took my word and next thing I knew we were rushing this kid to a level 1 Japanese Trauma hospital for immediate surgery, he had ruptured his spleen. He too only was vomiting, not other symptoms. At first it seemed routine, but it was the summer, the flu in not common in the summer and that is when I figured it out. If it had been the winter that 11 year old boy would have died in our ER waiting room. The second boy was a week later and he was at the base skate park hit is abdomen on the handle bars, same symptoms...and again...it didn't make sense...my doc took a look at him and he too was rushed to the trauma hospital for immediate surgery for a ruptured liver. These incidents are so rare, who would think a simple tumble off a bike...I fell off my bike so many times...I'm still here. This was a freak accident and they happen. I am not deeply religious person, but I believe everything happens for a reason no matter how deep the pain is physically!!! I have heard so much about you and your family and I read your blog, you are a great mother, who provides nothing but the best for your children. You care about their physical, and emotional well-being. You care about their education and their relationship with God. There should be more parents out there like you! I do not attend church as I use to for my own personal reasons, my children have never been to church, but they know about God and my oldest says grace, etc. Don't let such negative people bring you down, keep your head high and keep your faith in Him...as I know you will. There is nothing you could have done to save him, he was a strong willed little boy and I can't say that if my own son or daughter was in the same boat, I am not sure I would have brought them to the ER myself...I have 10 years of medical experience, You did everything you could, it was his time:) I am glad you are going to continue to write...You are such a strong woman...:)

    Traci

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  30. AMEN! Some people just seem to judge people instead of looking at their own lives. I am encouraged every time I read your blogs and pray for you and your family every day! You are a special mom and have a big heart for kids. I am a mother of 3 who have had many injuries and have had to make that decision not to bring to the ER. There are so many times as a mom you don't know and you do what you feel is best. There was no way to know what was going on with your son, and I feel like you did as any good mom would do if she was in the same situation. May God bless you , your blogs, and your family each and every day! Amy

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  31. Only loving thoughts from me, stay strong!

    Rebecca

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  32. just when I think the last blog I read was amazing..you post one that is even better. You are such an inspiration to me! I can only pray that one day I will walk as close to the Lord as you do! THANK YOU for sharing this journey with all of us! I look forward to reading more blogs!

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  33. I received a link to your blog from a friend and this is the first time I've read anything by you but I think this is all I would need to read to know what a beautiful woman of God you are. Thankyou for not giving up and not giving in to the hurt of evil. Thankyou for letting God's light shine into the darkness of this world and being such a shining testimony to all of us. Marissa

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  34. When I read what you said, and thinking of my past medical experience-- I most likely would have done the same thing, because you're right-- the ER doesn't need every "viral" infection coming in, and ultimately tying up valuable resources for those with critical care needs. You said it yourself that Brandon didn't even like to go to the doctors because of negative experiences he had in the Ukraine, so I think you did what any mom would do, and that was to take care of their child the best way you knew how. There are no promises that had he been taken to the ER that they would have been able to find what was really wrong until it was too late anyway. God has a plan, and his plan didn't include keeping Brandon here in the physical world-- I don't know why, and I know you don't know, but God does, and that is all that matters my friend! Please stay strong, and don't allow these people to drag you down, because there are so many people that are good for you, and the blog actually could (you never know) help another family, God forbid if the same thing happened to someone else, but maybe your story ultimately saves a life. Do you know how many lives Brandon and you have already touched? So, please don't let these people of absolute nonsense dictate how you run your blog, or if you will continue to run the blog, because I think you need it too-- I think it's therapeutic. TT

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  35. I search your blog nearly everyday to see if you have posted anything new. I can't even tell you how much you touch my heart with your words. The loss of your son led me to your blog through my friends and family, who are friends of yours. It has also led me to pray for your family constantly. Though often we cannot understand God's will or his purpose, it is reassuring to know that he has one. Your faith and strength is an inspiration to me and countless others I am sure. That comment was given by a coward who is more than likely scared of the fact of not knowing Our Savior or his grace. Obviously it pricked something inside to cause such a reaction and I have a feeling that anonymous commenter reads your blog still. No, you could not have done one thing differently to change the outcome because ultimately our Lord called your precious son home in his time and each action you did leading up to that moment was an action given to you by HIM. The Lord led you to comfort your son. He gave you the love in your heart to wrap your arms around a child, who before you and your family, had never known that kind of love. It was his Will and sadly the anonymous commenter is struggling with that and lashing out at you. Please let it further your resolve to continue to give us all your words through HIM. I will be praying for that commenter and will always continue to pray for you!

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  36. I love that there are 36 comments backing you up. I comment Anonymously because you do not know me. I have been following your blog since your precious Brandon went home. YOU ARE A PICTURE OF KINDNESS AND GOD'S GRACE.
    To the Annonymous Ignorant commenter: This family is a picture of God's grace. You sound like a bitter and angry person; maybe you have lost someone in your life in the past. God can help you through your pain as He has helped this family. If you do not turn to Him, you will die alone and bitter.

    My husband had an affair and abandoned me and our son several years ago. Many people tried to blame me, "what did you not do as a wife." But I know that I was the best wife to God's honor and glory. My exhusband has admited to me and others that he made a terrible mistake, and we have forgiven him. We are never in control of our life, and once we surrender to God we can live a successful and happy life! My life and my testimony has helped more then I was ever able to help before and has brought God more glory. We never know why things happen, but God can help us turn things for good. Maybe Brandon needed adopted to feel the love of this family and to know God as His Savior. Also, maybe it put more love in this family's heart to adopt more children that do not have the love of a family.
    Hang in there and know you ARE a great mother. Anyone reading your words or those who do know you, can tell how much your children are blessed to have such a wonderful mother.
    prayers from Nashville

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  37. Bless your heart. I am so very sorry that in this horrible and grieving time, someone had the nerve to judge you and condemn you and further, to strike at your already wounded heart.

    How cowardly. How insensitive. How hurtful.

    How brokenhearted I am for you. Your answer absolutely was gracious and Christ-focused, and what a blessing you are to many who can see Christ's love in your grief.
    Many prayers continue.

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  38. I can only hope that poor soul finds Christ. Until then Anonymous Commenter, I'm Michael I would love to beat the you know what out of you...of couse all in the Love of the Lord. Anyway, Carinda you are an inspiration, you have uplifted my wife and I in so many ways. I continue to pray for comfort and peace for you and your family. We love ya here in Melbourne.

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  39. You look like a pretty little young girl, but have the words of wisdom like you are 100 years old! I love reading anything you write.....you turned around that scoundrel's opinion into a wonderful lesson for us all!
    Kathy Brewer

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  40. What a brave woman you are. I don't know if I could have been as gracious in my comments to Anonymous as you were. It is amazing how God has given you such strength. People like that want to sit in judgment from the outside and say what they would have done. No one knows what they would do until they are in a situation. I know you did everything right. You are a loving Godly mother who cares for her family. You have truly been an inspiration to me. I was led to this blog (at the time of Brandon's death) by family who works at your school. I check your blog daily. May the Lord continue to bless you and your family.

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  41. I have been an RN for almost 30 years, worked in the ER and Surgery for many years. And we have two boys that we have adopted from Ukraine about the same age and about the same time you adopted Brandon. All that to say: I would have done the same thing you did. I can't imagine the pain and grief you experience. Our boys have been with us 8 months and I cannot imagine life without them. Our sincere condolences on the loss of your son. Sam

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  42. I have only one which describes a person that leaves an anonymous comment with such hateful comments=COWARD!

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