Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Only Beloved Son

With his 13th birthday quickly approaching along with the Easter Holiday, I have really had Brandon on my mind a whole lot lately.   My physical body aches SO badly because I miss him so much. As time goes on I am not finding that it hurts any less.  I think if anything it hurts more because everyone else has moved on with their lives.  Everyone else’s children are still alive and growing before their eyes.  New babies are born.  Many of Brandon’s buddies have moved away or we never see them anymore because Brandon is no longer inviting them over to the house.  Because families come and go so often in this community, we have a whole new set of friends now who have never even met Brandon.  Probably to them he’s just some handsome, blond boy in a photograph that we try to talk about that doesn’t really register with them how great a loss we’ve experienced with his death.  Hardly anyone even mentions him anymore.  Even I don’t write as much about Brandon on the blog anymore because I don’t want to dwell on my sadness too much, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him, miss him and feel the pain every moment of every day.  This year Brandon’s birthday happens to fall on the Friday before Easter—the day Jesus died.  It’s just a tad difficult.

Last year near Eastertime, I had someone tell me that God the Father knows the pain that I feel because His only, beloved Son died as well when He was young.   I was puzzled by this comment.  I am still not sure if I agree or disagree with the statement because it was just so bizarre and I wasn’t even sure what the person was trying to communicate to me by saying it.  I wished I’d had a sound enough mind at the time to ask them exactly what they meant.  I was still in a fog from shock of his passing and my mind was not sharp enough to utter anything other than “thank you for your kind words.”  I know for sure this person was meaning it to be an encouragement to me, and it definitely was an encouragement, but I still have no clue what they meant.  How is God the Father even comparable to me?

First of all, I feel like it’s not even the same thing because when Jesus died, He rose again THREE days later.  I know Brandon’s in a much greater place now, but I would have LOVED to have had my son come back to life after only three days.  Even if Brandon had to leave again after a resurrection, I could have at least said “good bye” to him and hugged him a few extra times.   Second, God the Father IS God the Son and they have had an eternal relationship—They are the triune GOD.  I only had an 8 1/2-month relationship with my son and it went by WAY too fast.  There was so much more I wanted to experience with my son.  Third, the Triune God has unlimited power and strength and I am just a mortal woman who hurts a whole lot.  Fourth, since it was GOD the Father, He knew the exact purpose behind His Son’s death—to redeem mankind. I still have yet to understand WHY Brandon had to die so young.  Finally, since the Bible says there is no pain or crying in Heaven, I am not even sure God the Father cried over His Son.  I’ve literally spent hours and hours weeping over my son’s death.

I miss this happy guy so full of joy and life

I think perhaps it might be better said that God created the feelings and emotions that I am feeling and therefore God understands my struggles.  The fact that God knows that due to the Fall of Man life stinks sometimes is exactly why I believe there are SO MANY Scripture references dealing with pain and suffering in the Bible.  The Bible has been such an incredible source of comfort to me in that last few years and for that, I am so very thankful.

I also think it could be said that God the Son (not God the Father) literally felt much of the same pain I have experienced because He was fully Man (at the same time He was fully God).  I would take that even further and say that God the Son experienced so much more agony than I have because He knows the plight of all the lost sinners of every generation past and present.  I believe that agony is exactly why he sweated drops of blood from his head hours before His death.    It is because of His death that at least I have hope to see Brandon again!

So while I am kind of in a little sad state of mind right now because Brandon’s birthday is on Good Friday (the day we recognize Jesus’s death), I am SO VERY thankful for Easter because it means that we serve a Risen, Living Savior!  And He is coming again!  AND! I get to live forever with Him!  He makes all things new!

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1st Corinthians 15:57

Scroll down to listen to a song a friend sent to me. It made me cry, but it is so appropriate for this Easter season.  It is such a beautiful song.  God bless.
A rare occasion where he actually touched something dirty and creepy-crawly...Brandon was a bit of a clean/germ freak.
 I miss that quality in him.

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