Monday, April 16, 2012

I'm Glad You're Awkward

Everyone acts differently around people who are grieving.  Some people are ignoring me altogether.  They do not know how to handle the emotions they are feeling.  They are uncomfortable around someone who may or may not cry at any given moment.  Some people have no idea what to say, how to say it or when to say it.  So they have completely vanished.  I imagine not knowing what to do or to say to someone is a horrible feeling.  I’m sorry you are feeling this way.

Other people overdo and say and do all the wrong things.  I had one person say, “Well, at least you have 3 other children that are still living.”  Another person said, “It’s hard to make sense of all this.  Maybe God took Brandon from you because you loved him too much.”  Finally, someone said “What a shame all that money you spent to adopt him and then he just died 8 months later.”  In all these cases these people genuinely loved me.  They just didn’t know what to say and I’m sure whatever it was they meant to say was really precious. 

It’s okay.  Really.  As odd as it sounds, I’m glad you are all so awkward.  People are so awkward because this kind of tragedy is so rare.  If it were common for children to die, everyone would know exactly how to act and what to say.  That would mean all of you would know this pain I feel and I don’t want anyone to experience this pain.  It is truly a horrible feeling and it is one I will never forget. 

 The majority of people have been very encouraging.  It has truly meant a lot.  However, those who have done ALL the right things and said ALL the right things, for the most part, are those people who have suffered some kind of loss or tragedy themselves.   They know what I need because they have needed.  I hope one day that I will comfort and encourage someone who is hurting.  I know in the past I have probably fit into the category of saying and doing all the wrong things to those who were hurting.

Anyway, I wrote all this to say that I am thankful for ALL of you.  I am thankful you care enough to be awkward.  I’m thankful for the support and for the prayers.  Thanks mostly for being YOU.  YOU make me smile. 


  1. And we should say in return, "Thank you for being you. Through these posts you make us smile!" -- Thank you Carinda! Paul

  2. I am so grateful for you sharing with all of us, letting us be partakers with you in the grief you are going through...Praying for you all...His Forever.. Leigh Hughes

  3. Wow. You have such a wise perspective. You are a great woman of God. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  4. What a beautiful response! One of my pet peeves is the way people will criticize (or pontificfate) on how people should respond to a person in grief....and for just the reasons you give.

    Your loss just made me sob. I cannot imagine such sorrow.