Dear Brandon

Dear Brandon,

Happy Birthday my sweet son!  Oh, how I wish you were here today.  I would have given you so many hugs before school this morning.   I realized today that I never got to sing “Happy Birthday” to you.   Actually, you would probably be glad of that since I can’t sing—at all.  I still would have sang to you, and just let your sisters and Dad drowned out my voice.

Today I wore my blue flower tank top you picked out for me that time we went to Dick’s Sporting Goods.  Remember?  You said I would look beautiful in it and insisted that I buy it.  I love it.  You have good taste.  I was thankful today was sunny and 85 degrees to wear the tank top.  I wore my necklace with your picture on it.  I chewed your favorite kind of pink bubble gum.  I wish the flavor lasted longer on that.

Grandma and Grandpa came over for a little while.  We had a good cry.  After they left, I went upstairs and got your favorite blue blanket that you snuggled up in the night before you went to Heaven.  I wrapped it around me and sat down where you died.  I cried and I prayed.  I asked God to tell you Hello, Happy Birthday and I love you from all of us.  I’m not sure that is even allowed, but I figured I’d ask Him to anyway. 

Anya came over and brought some beautiful flowers.  They are the colors in the Ukrainian flag.  It was very thoughtful.

I know I said I wasn’t going by your grave side today because I feel closer to you upstairs in our home, where you were last alive, but the car kind of turned in to the cemetery anyway.  Your stone won’t be ready until June, but all the trees there are in full bloom.  You would have liked the smell of the flowers. Lots of people went to see you today.  I’m sure you got their notes they wrote on the balloons.  You are so loved by everyone that knew you and many that knew about you.

I went shopping for birthday gifts for your sisters to try to cheer them up.  You had wanted us to get you a skateboard or a basketball hoop.  We were planning to get you a hoop to play with your friends and all of us.  I’m bummed I never got to play with you.  I never got to see your jump shot either. 

For dinner we had what you requested for your birthday back in January—pigs-in-a-blanket, pizza and salad.  Katie, Kylie and Haley also helped make the cake you wanted as well—A Monster truck chocolate cake, with chocolate icing.  They were proud of your cake.  I think they did a good job.  Tonight we watched Chipwrecked.  I still remember your laugh that time we watched it with you in the theater.

Overall, it’s been a good day.  There have been lots of tears, yet lots of joy.  It would have been so much better if you were here.  I often told you that God did a really good job when He created you.  You would ask me “Why you say this?”  I would answer, “Because God made you such a beautiful boy.”  You would smile and say, “Thanks, Mama.”  As beautiful as you were in your earthly body, I can’t even imagine how beautiful you must be in Heaven.  I want you to know that of all the little boys in Heaven, I love you most!  I can’t wait to see you again one day, my son.   Next time I see you, I will sing Happy Birthday to you, and I promise it will sound so much better than it would here!  We love you SO much!  Happy Birthday.