Looking Back at 2011

I have just spent the last few minutes reminiscing over the year 2011.   What a crazy, bizarre, mixed-up, definitely-not-how-I-planned-it year THAT was!!  I remember last year as I watched the ball drop and 2011 was ushered in, I had an unfamiliar dread of the future year and a lump in my throat as I held back tears.  I had never experienced that type of dread.  I think deep down I knew that the year would be one of my hardest years that I would have to face and I also knew that our family dynamics were going to change forever.  It would never be the same and I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.  I knew I had the power to stop everything with the adoption and not have to change our “perfect little family” at all.  That would be the safe and comfortable thing to do.  I reasoned it may even be the sober and more reasonable thing to do. Unfamiliar dread is very frightening and it hurts your gut in indescribable ways.  However, I felt the still small voice, the Holy Spirit, calming me and moving us forward.  Just because something is scary does not mean we are to back away.  In our weakness God is SO strong!

 Looking back I would have to say that “the change” was good.  Don’t get me wrong.  There are definitely days that I feel as though we were crazy for changing anything.  (And for the record girls are WAY easier to raise than boys.  No one can ever tell me any differently!) But God is faithful to walk us through the difficult days and He has blessed us even more than we can imagine.  Adoption definitely needs to be looked at as a lifelong ministry.  It requires strength, patience, courage, prayer, love, passion, dependence on the Word of God and I cannot ever imagine undertaking such a mission without the power of the Holy Spirit inside of me.  I cannot ever say enough how thankful I am for the calling on our lives to adopt an older child.  I am forever changed.  I am forever different.

As I look forward to 2012, I have a different type of dread.  I’m uncertain why, but I surely could use any and all prayers you can offer on my behalf.  I’ve been around long enough to know that certain trials we experience are simply preparing us for other trials that lie ahead.  Nonetheless, I am hopeful and optimistic.  I’m trusting in His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  I look forward to watching our 4 children grow and thrive this year.  I look forward to falling in love with my husband even more this year.  I look forward to at least one new niece or nephew this year.  I look forward to perhaps getting out of our adoption debt this year.  I look forward to making special memories with our family this year in the mountains and at the beach.  I look forward to new friendships this year.   And finally, I look forward to growing in knowledge and in wisdom and deeper in love with my heavenly Father this year.  Love and peace to all of you.